Dear Me

Dear Me,


There are so many things I need to say to you, but when I think of where to start I'm lost for words. Well, here I go my first attempt; I am sorry if I make you feel like your nothing. I know this has been going on for awhile now and I am finally realizing it's holding you down. Making you feel like no one out there really loved you; or ever will. To make you feel like you wont accomplish anything you set your mind to. I feel so guilty when it's so bad at days you don't even want to roll out of bed. I see you looking at boys and boys talking to you, but every time you back away; like you already know their going to suddenly not want to talk to you. To get to know you. 


I am sorry that I made you feel ugly. I know I keep saying all the imperfect qualities; like your fat, your teeth are yellow, you don't have enough muscle, you laugh like a odd. I just want to let you know your handsome, charming, elegant, beautiful, and a whole lot more. 


I guess what I'm trying to get at is I am sorry for never treating you with the respect you deserve. I feel so bad for putting you down for so long; making you feel like there is nothing to reach for. You need to know I do love you. You can do anything that you put your mind too. You can accomplish ANYTHING you put your mind too.  Realize, as I just have that I'm not perfect either, but it's our imperfections that make us us. 


So with both of us together, lets make a pledge. A pledge to never criticize each other. Never  let anyone else tear us down. Never to feel intimidated by other people, because we know that we are amazing. Never to let life pass us by; cuz gosh dang it your only 19 once. Even if we live to be a hundred lets never have to say that I was bored for day. 


sincerely,
Mathew Marcelis


P.S. One last thing I love you..  

my room

I feel the presence of him. 

Lingering in a corner I cannot see.

glancing around and around.

Still nothing.

I can feel the glare from everywhere.

days. weeks. months. 

why now?

why now do you torment me so?

the way you cast a shadow in every which way.

gone again in a flash. 

I'm scared.

You know it.

10. 11. 12. 

awoken. 

Emotions turning.

Why do thee strum my harp with rhythmic chaos with even the lightest gust?
Tis thus to be the mere mortals anguish to fill thy cup till the supple tears flow like the Nile.
To torment thy so even my temple cracks and dries from thy flaming sun; but, hence throws the cloud to turn any withered crop to a full harvest.
While always thy never forget the rocky mountain holding so close.
Like the dusty sands gracing so elegantly too and fro.
The pleasure of thy tendered forces to keep thy gleeful movements all to me.
With again you blow the lightest gust and, again the simple movement starts again.